Here I announce to you that I'm incapable of letting some breaths out in a form of words to say what is meant or what is not meant to be said. Here I sit with arms stretched before you as if I'd try a pen and a paper in case my lips failed me or in case every word comes out the wrong way and I have to beg you to start again, like a video played over and over again with different scenes each time. You'd then pity me and try to say that you understand but you say it too fast that I instantly and without further decorated words realize that you don't feel the slightest bit of understanding. And it makes me sad. It makes me sad for you because you don't even have the gift of understanding, but that's ok because I don't have the gift of explaining myself or my life either. Hence we're even, I guess. So I try then to write but it seems utterly absurd to write to someone who is sitting right in front of me and I start tearing the papers like a madman and stop for a second without staring at you, but stare at my terrified pen that seems to have taken too much of me. I can't blame anyone or anything for being terrified like that, because fear is necessary to the bones sometimes. And so I climb endless stairs and get hold of countless ropes to ascend to a level between not saying the wrong word and not being silent like a fool so as to not give you the impression that I'm completely incapable of doing [anything].
Why do I even hurt myself and dig soul-deep to make you understand anything at all? Why then, do you have to understand only when I talk and talk and talk when you really say that you understand as fast and the instant I finish the words on my lips. Understanding requires time, you know? And time is not on your favorite things so why is it that you have to make so big a lie just to make a fool out of me and God knows, maybe silence me instead of solace me? And how fool I was to want you to understand that fast, how fool!
Oh let us just speak of things that don't need much thinking to understand. Or let us not speak of anything at all.
Why do I even hurt myself and dig soul-deep to make you understand anything at all? Why then, do you have to understand only when I talk and talk and talk when you really say that you understand as fast and the instant I finish the words on my lips. Understanding requires time, you know? And time is not on your favorite things so why is it that you have to make so big a lie just to make a fool out of me and God knows, maybe silence me instead of solace me? And how fool I was to want you to understand that fast, how fool!
Oh let us just speak of things that don't need much thinking to understand. Or let us not speak of anything at all.
