I only cried once in my whole life while writing something, 4 years ago. It was too personal to my heart that I couldn't stop. This is the second personal thing that I count. Although this time it made me smile [:

1-The colossal oceans.
2- A full moon could never burn alone.
3- Your lustful beauty.
4-The echoes of your existence scatter my everything.
5-Spring moments in Autumnal days.
6- Smile of the chameleon.
7- The telltale.
8-A book, never completely finished.
9- A flicker of light.
10- The chimera of dancing in a masquerade.
11-The pirouette.
12- Fatigued eyes running after a memory invisible.
13- Memory-painted pictures are ever indelible.
14-Prayers before the aurora.
15-Death is never too far.


Inspired~

I've got a lonely sun shining with debility in my skies.

(Am I colorblind because I'm dreaming, or I'm dreaming because I'm colorblind?)

Love, once carved on bleeding stones,
never attained to beating.
And I, looking at the tidal waves;
tomorrow didn't bring any wonders

How did your sadness creep in to my dreams?

You
-dreams thief-
sift the vitality, and bereave
me of my strength

(Your colorful world left nothing to my almost-colorless life.
How could you?)

Once upon a time the nirvana of my dreams
walked into my life and I was
as alive as can be

(You promised tomorrow it'd end)

Tonight the fullness of the moon
leaves me stranded ashore,
and I don't believe in forever, yet
I don't believe in you..

Can you heal an unbroken heart?

Your image is getting old in my sleep,
It's as hideous as a relinquished book.
And I could only see you in black and white-
Release me, I'm jaded..

Would you color my dreams?


Written November 24.09 11:39 pm.

Don't dance on my songs
you kill the ecstasy that keeps me alive..

I traced the shadows of yesterday
only to find your footprints
engraved on my heart-
I still remember you.

I watch the day fade to night,
breathing an old love I could not visualize;
perhaps a mere picture of a hazy dream-

ambiguity ...


10:35 PM.

Please don't give me broken dreams
yet ask me to fix them;
I'm anything but a dreamer.

I trod the shards of memories
-yours and mine-
and let my two feet hemorrhage,
Staining the visions of yesterdays.
(Dear, they're a wreck)

Satisfied?

This ambiguity is never-ending
You're a foe to my pretending
(I don't love you)

Some things are better left unsaid
and I'm nothing..
but a coward.

You are the reason to my unreason..

Written 27th of October.09. 10:03 PM.
"Too late to notice my existence, I've already faded to the darkest you can see" -Me.

My senses are tangled with disbelief, as you blurt with nonsensical apologetic words. Like a shell exasperating the waves of the sea, I fall smash-hearted; gashed.
"I don't believe in love"

You beseech me for believing, yet leer me for those lies I painted upon your sickening skin-I'm inflicted with love's curse.
"I never lied"

You're like a riddle, idiotic once solved..or perhaps a labyrinth? I never believed in you anyway..
I caress your heart with my sword, you slay my senses with your cruelty; a massacre.
"You're imbecile"

I carry the remnants of my crumbled world and forget that, for one moment, you loved me.
You leave..too.
"I never believed in love..it's cliché.."



I just wanted to write something with this title :) call it a poem, or not.
Written October 13th.09 9:40 PM

Yesterday you were a memory
But never a possibility ..


--Thank you ...

When you wake up-tonight..
remember the shimmer of the stars,
the stardust,
the zephyr that used to
hit your face with tenderness
-when I'm with you-

Remember the promise that you made
when you told me:
"I promise to forget you"
just when I kissed the air goodbye;
leading myself to thorny lanes.

Remember..
the day we met
is the day we parted
just like a glimpse-
we were a silhouette

so please..
when you remember me,
drown your scowls-yet..
remember to forget.


--Somewhere between trying to remember and remembering, you just need to let go..
*Just a silly thought*

Just wishing everyone a blessed Eid =)
Hope you all spend it stupendously. It's a chance to smile from the deep, seize it!

I was tagged by Noor, thank you :-)
All I'm going to do is get the nearest book to me, and open page 161 and copy the fifth sentence. Here it goes:
"Baba couldn't show me the way anymore; I'd to find it on my own way. The thought of it terrified me.

From the novel "The Kite Runner"

I'm tagging anyone who will come across this post, in addition to:
Stillness
Cassidy
Huda

The sun rose at your side
shriveling the note of my diaries
-to gray-
where your name dwelt in silence
just to fade away
by sunset..

With every tune of a song
you create its sad lyrics
'til the words fall to the ground,
the tune chokes in between..
And then I'm engaged to
the ocean of your blueness ..


**I'll be away for quite some time, so if I don't read your blog, I'm not ignoring..**

You are a shelter to the heart
injecting my veins with obsession over you
my mind would never succumb
at times, my heart would break loose
you aspire to what you cannot reach
and learn a lesson impossible to teach

Your eyes can easily lie
each minute causing me new incisions
your words sound so true
alleviating the fire of my indecision
In the night I'd engulf my pitiful dream
In the morning you'd repeat the same scene

Love will not defeat pride
your fake smile will fade away
purge my heart of its sins
tonight truth will lead your words astray

And when the sun rises once more
I'll let go as if I've never loved before..

Sorry, I'm not allowed to love you ..

I realized my poetry club did me so many great things that I can't seem to write any poem unless it was for a challenge ..
Sucks doesn't it?

I guess from now on I should be challenging my own self (=

Sorrow gushed from your lips
like blood from soldiers' injuries
your words were like a puzzle
Maybe chains without keys

Something led me to your shade
A sad tune, or a black serenade
I heard your plods and your moans
I could tell you're suffering alone

(Chorus)
No matter where you hide
where you seek refuge in
you'll live, you'll die
beneath your ugly skin
Don't let cowardice fool you
with your ghostly heart
Someday, someday death will find you
and rip your soul apart

Stain your thoughts with ghastly infections
Paint your broken heart on the mirror reflection
Die! twice if you've died before
bleed, hemorrhage on the floor

(Chorus)

(Bridge)
A pathetic fool you are
And only me can see you
what's common between us?
Maybe I'm dead, too?

I hear your footsteps, coming towards me
I inhale, you dwell, we are immortality
You paint a scowl on my face just to save
the one you fooled to be your slave



This is a little bit complicated, some parts were inspired from my blog post "We were infinity".
I just neeeeeded to write a song, Idk why!

You were like the golden chains
hanging around my neck
-Suffocating me-

"Steadfast" I thought,
instead, you persecute me
with your infidelity,
your treason..

I lit a candle and hoped
the flame would dissolve
your ridiculous thought of immortality

If you dwell in me
stab me in the back,
I'm tearing the heart of you..
And only death
will give you the immortality you need..

**Just a silly thought..Title inspired from a poem by a famous poet, I don't remember the name though.

Within the dusk-dust played a symphony
Singing for the beauty left on this earth
It was a thought fooled by eternity
When the rich and the poor pled rebirth

Notes of misery drowned in the oceans
Words of love, faith and hope; it was a war
You ignite a fire of dead emotions
Retaliating upon what you abhor

Words were ashore, with what your ships brought
Deformed, worse than soldiers after defeat
Revival wouldn't give you what you sought
Your feelings will always be incomplete

So for anguish, sing your first serenade
To live, wear your eternal masquerade


Written 10th of August, 1:49 a.m.

I had this strong urge to write a Sonnet, this is the very first Sonnet I ever write. An English Sonnet with 10 syllables count for each line, and a rhyme scheme of abab cdcd efef gg

The lines on your face speak wisdom
while between my lips lie unspoken words
Your eyes held so many hidden truths
Alas! my breaths spoke vain lies.

Silence always used to guide
A truth that could never be denied

"Hope" was written on the palm of your hand
"Suicide" was scarred on my wrist
I fear running my fingers across your palm
For I destroy everything I touch..

The smile on your face was promising
The frown on mine would never disappear
I finally had the courage to look you in the eye
and I let out a sigh of relief

My heart was a desert with no emotion
our silence led to a truth of no confusion
It was always you, me and the smell of spring
And everyday you'd teach me how to mend

I'd always cry and tell you"good things always flee"
You'd smile and say "Let it be, just let it be".

"It only takes time"-you said
I blinked as if it was deja vu.
my tears fell upon your skin
leaving it so frigid, while
your ironic smile burnt me alive.

There was a cyclone coming;
one that carried uncountable words
that could never be translated.

"We have an expiry date, you know?"
your laughs filled the room with malice.
It was a recurrence,
a tape repeating itself over and over again.

I held my pride for a moment,
cried for as long as I could.
And let those poisonous tears
run down my lips
while I kissed you with torment.

It wasn't a recurrence this time
for I didn't believe you-yet
I let your words run across my torn dictionary

I could foresee victory..

That moment you bled
and while you strove
I throve..



**Everything in this life is a recurrence, every broken relationship is just a prelude to a new one to begin, and the cycle goes on forever**
Again..NOT a poem, just a thought..

You told me we were infinity--

I saw you struggling in bed
closing your eyes and opening them again-
It wasn't long until you lost your breath..

Tonight you came to me
and the scent of your perfume,
I could no longer smell.
The breath of your agony..vanished?
How come?
You held my hand and told me:
From now on, we are eternity
Pulling me close to you, I wondered
While you enjoy embracing me;
Why can't I feel alive anymore?

That night I cried dry tears,
Smiled for no reason,
And pretended I could touch you,
But I suffered..

-you lied-

Once upon a time
You told me we were infinite..
Were we..?

Plant me a tree that would grow only at night; let all my dreams hang by a half cut off rope. 12 at midnight everything will reveal itself, 7 in the morning it will vanish once again.
-I killed a part of me while dreaming, revived another one-
Let the buds not blossom, they're better away from reality, let the sun kill all of my dreams; no, I don't feel like dreaming-not until forever comes.
Hang them randomly, don't let "them" know I'm crazy..
Sham intimidation, gauzy thoughts..run through dreams. Tears of regret, when there's nothing to regret..run across the dreamer after waking up.
I wonder..would I not dream again, if they cut all my night trees once I'm asleep?
Would I...would I be traumatized..?

Henceforth, I'll be ready to die..just cut them off ..

(I hate dreaming ....)

Okay..I haven't been in a good mood since yesterday..but I thought I'd share this with you :)
A very dead friend of mine posted them in our club.
Crazy Questions! ;-)

- Why people are so scared of mice,which are much smaller than us, when no one seems to be scared of Micky Mouse, who is bigger than us?

- Why doesn't McDonald's sell hotdogs?

- If, in a baseball game, the batter hits a ball splitting it right down the center with half the ball flying out of the park and the other half being caught, what is the final ruling?

- Why do people think that swaying their arm back and forth would change the direction of a bowling ball?

- When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny?

- If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don't they fall through the floor?

- How can something be "new" and "improved"? if it's new, what was it improving on?

- If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

- Do you yawn in your sleep?

- Do you wake up or open your eyes first?

- Why do people say "heads up" when you should duck?

- Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

- when a pregnant lady has twins, is there 1 or 2 umbilical cords?

- Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if afterwards it doesn't work anymore?

- On Gilligan's Island, how did Ginger have so many different outfits when they were only going on a 3 hour tour?

- Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Enjoy ;)

An elusive painting-
discolored;
black horizon
in the mid of day,
dew drops fall
on deceasing plants
of copper leaves
spring:
camouflage

I took a swim through the colors:
-when night prevailed-
dark blue skies
once the moon committed suicide..

it was a starless view
caught me for the wrong hue-
feebly
blind

I beheld meteorites settling
on my earth,
while in pain I wondered
how everything's changed
to devastate
my constellation

Ashore, I clung to the last thread,
where my painting was still beautiful,
to find seashells retreated with the waves
and stones crying on their own

I took all the colors and walked away
pursued the light;
too late it was, for reaching the doors
of salvation
And I'm left
forever
forgotten

Written July 18th, 10:33 PM

-Yay finally a poem =) this is for a contest between my club and another club on the site poems-and-quotes.

Poetry has been the sun that kept rising within me; in the morning it becomes so fresh and addictive, yet in the night-under the moonlight-it becomes the light to my dark days..
Occasionally, winds cover up all my skies and the world of poetry lets its winds pour me with a rain of trite words-it breaks me like a fragile glass..this is when writers block takes place.
Once upon a time I was so addicted, today I'm standing like a crying coward unable to express what I feel (or don't feel) with poetry.
Metaphors have lost their originality, rhyme has lost its sense of music and the beautiful rhythm it created in the poems. And similes, oh I miss looking for creativity and impressive imagery..
The last poem I wrote, which was Perpetuation, failed me (Maybe I'm exaggerating) and I still can't call it a poem..here if you wish to judge Perpetuation.

I'm not sure whether I can be the poetry addict of before..this just keeps getting worse..

A year and half passed without me crying over these songs:
I was traveling alone, and I was facing one of the most horrible situations, the situation of losing someone-friend or lover-whom you totally loved.
I had my mobile on the music player..and here we go:

1-First I heard the song "Feels Like Tonight" for Daughtry, I broke down in tears, especially when he sang "I can't believe I'm broken inside"..it felt so horrible.
2- I had the song "One Heart" for Celine Dion..can you believe such a beautiful, cheerful song would make someone cry? lol.
Now I really believe in the quote that says " I never knew looking back at the tears would make me laugh".
3- There came Westlife with their two songs-probably the only two songs I like for Westlife-which were "Us Against The World" and "Something right"..Both are very good and cheery..You gotta check "Something Right"s lyrics: Here .
4- I don't really remember the rest of the songs..I remember most of the songs weren't that bad, not the songs that would make you cry at least..Now I listen to "Feels Like Tonight" and smile :] for back there I was broken and today I'm totally healed ! *Alhamdulellah*

Here are some songs I love listening to any time of the day :
* Enya-Only Time.
* Poets Of The Fall-Locking up the sun, Carnival Of Rust, Dawn, Late Goodbye, Where Do We Draw The Line, Sleep, Illusion And Dream And Maybe Tomorrow(Is a better day)..Actually all Poets Of The Fall albums are so awesome, especially that their lyrics are so damn poetic <3
*Red-Pieces (My fave song ever!!)
* Frou Frou-Le Go.
*Seether-Waste, Rise Above This.
*Amaral & Chetes - Si tu no vuelves.

Now some music:
*Edward Shearmur-Epiphany (This is my fave music, I wrote a poem about it)
*Apocalyptica-Path
*Apocalyptica-Hope
*Secret Garden-Serenade To Spring.
*Apocalyptica-Farewell
*Buddha Bar iii-Faithless.

I know they are a lot..but seriously, poets of the fall songs are a must listen!
Enjoy :]

Last night I lain on bed
surrounded by sleep,
dreams,
-perhaps nightmares-
The dawn has come,
the sun has risen
and..
Still dreams have lain with me

I thought I could tame
this insomniac mind
with thoughts on love
whilst the sun rises.

I thought I could talk
my cerulean dreams
-out loud-
kill my plum nightmares
with a touch of
Scarlet evasiveness

Today I remained
another insomniac
in the reign of sleep,
and though it killed all my senses,
I could not help but fight;
for tonight..
my dreams will roam
just like each past night ..


-Actually this happened indeed, today morning I couldn't sleep; Yes I'm an insomniac!

For a moment, happiness did creep through the minds; smudging all the sad words in my dictionary with a touch of a beautiful existence.
Grieve, dejection, sorrow and hatred vanished, empty places for Good, Decency, Stupendous, and Humor.
Pain is now Power, Insanity is Incredible..replace all my senses of a harsh existence with a small touch of beauty.
Create fabulous smiles instead of fake ones, let the world not drown but dive..to a relieving persistence.
Tomorrow I will replace dread with beautiful downfalls..I will create my own world, and to words I'll be their master.

Thanks to STILLNESS SPEAKS :)
This is somehow like the one that me and my friends had on facebook (25 random things about me)..except for this is only 7 things about me..I promise I'll be accurate :)

1- I'm a linguist: Arabic, English and Spanish are what I speak. I'm a spelling and a grammar freak, if you have bad English, I guess you'll have troubles dealing with me (not that I'm perfect but I focus too much in the words that people say/type to make sure they're right) sometimes I google them, or google what I want to say to make sure it's right haha.
2- I'm very emotional when it comes to any relationship, especially friendships..my friends mean the world to me!
3- I sometimes feign contemplation at the streets, but truth is I look for someone to help, I really love helping people, though I take too many "golpes" (The Spanish word for "hit") from them.
4- I'm a workaholic, I can't live a day without revising anything in the languages I study (No not a nerd, because English is my passion) and I don't know what I'd do if I didn't work just after I graduate Insha'allah.
5- Most people who only know me from my poetry would say I'm such a gloomy and a pessimist , on the contrary, I'm mostly an optimist..I just see it this way: If I write a happy poem I'd be idolizing life, and this is total crap lol.
6- I have very low self-esteem..but I'm working on it :)
7- I'm an aquaphobic, most of my nightmares were about me drowning in the ocean in the middle of the night..two things I would never want to die of, fire and drowning.


I don't really have many blog readers to tag..but I'd love to read anyone's post :) so, you all are tagged =)
Once again thank you friend =]

Like a star shining in your own constellation, you raise your hands to catch him, but vanity's all you see. Heart wrenched and ached before the doors of death, bringing you nothing but invisible pain, yet something to see.
Rue the conscience for its death before birth; you killed the life of thy..breaths of remorse are eating at you, I apologize, it's too late for regression.
Take another step towards the door, let all your constellations fall; there's no turning back. Thine tears of pleading could never return what shall die within minutes for your sickness.
The light of day conceals the darkness of night..sanguine sorrow should scream the dejection, today-whilst the sun rays absorb the pain-yours absorbed your soul at night..
I'm sorry for the punishment, there must be a dark side of the moon, Green eyes will speak goodbyes, while blue moons will sleep today.

And your ashes will completely fade to eternal sleep

After Death
Christina Georgina Rossetti (1830-1894)

The curtains were half drawn, the floor was swept
And strewn with rushes, rosemary and may
Lay thick upon the bed on which I lay,
Where through the lattice ivy-shadows crept.
He leaned above me, thinking that I slept
And could not hear him; but I heard him say:
"Poor child, poor child:" and as he turned away
Came a deep silence, and I knew he wept.
He did not touch the shroud, or raise the fold
That hid my face, or take my hand in his,
Or ruffle the smooth pillows for my head:
He did not love me living; but once dead
He pitied me; and very sweet it is
To know he still is warm though I am cold.


This poem touched me..I'm so in love with it!

I know this is really, really long..I couldn't help but read it all..Blake's one of my favorite poets..he is a remarkable incident in the history of poetry!
You don't have to read it all..but I'm sure your attention will be automatically drawn after reading the first stanza ;)
Anyway don't worry, I'm just posting it here because I'd love to read it over and over again every once in a while :)

William Blake - Auguries of Innocence

To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.

A robin redbreast in a cage
Puts all heaven in a rage.

A dove-house fill'd with doves and pigeons
Shudders hell thro' all its regions.
A dog starv'd at his master's gate
Predicts the ruin of the state.

A horse misused upon the road
Calls to heaven for human blood.
Each outcry of the hunted hare
A fibre from the brain does tear.

A skylark wounded in the wing,
A cherubim does cease to sing.
The game-cock clipt and arm'd for fight
Does the rising sun affright.

Every wolf's and lion's howl
Raises from hell a human soul.

The wild deer, wand'ring here and there,
Keeps the human soul from care.
The lamb misus'd breeds public strife,
And yet forgives the butcher's knife.

The bat that flits at close of eve
Has left the brain that won't believe.
The owl that calls upon the night
Speaks the unbeliever's fright.

He who shall hurt the little wren
Shall never be belov'd by men.
He who the ox to wrath has mov'd
Shall never be by woman lov'd.

The wanton boy that kills the fly
Shall feel the spider's enmity.
He who torments the chafer's sprite
Weaves a bower in endless night.

The caterpillar on the leaf
Repeats to thee thy mother's grief.
Kill not the moth nor butterfly,
For the last judgement draweth nigh.

He who shall train the horse to war
Shall never pass the polar bar.
The beggar's dog and widow's cat,
Feed them and thou wilt grow fat.

The gnat that sings his summer's song
Poison gets from slander's tongue.
The poison of the snake and newt
Is the sweat of envy's foot.

The poison of the honey bee
Is the artist's jealousy.

The prince's robes and beggar's rags
Are toadstools on the miser's bags.
A truth that's told with bad intent
Beats all the lies you can invent.

It is right it should be so;
Man was made for joy and woe;
And when this we rightly know,
Thro' the world we safely go.

Joy and woe are woven fine,
A clothing for the soul divine.
Under every grief and pine
Runs a joy with silken twine.

The babe is more than swaddling bands;
Every farmer understands.
Every tear from every eye
Becomes a babe in eternity;

This is caught by females bright,
And return'd to its own delight.
The bleat, the bark, bellow, and roar,
Are waves that beat on heaven's shore.

The babe that weeps the rod beneath
Writes revenge in realms of death.
The beggar's rags, fluttering in air,
Does to rags the heavens tear.

The soldier, arm'd with sword and gun,
Palsied strikes the summer's sun.
The poor man's farthing is worth more
Than all the gold on Afric's shore.

One mite wrung from the lab'rer's hands
Shall buy and sell the miser's lands;
Or, if protected from on high,
Does that whole nation sell and buy.

He who mocks the infant's faith
Shall be mock'd in age and death.
He who shall teach the child to doubt
The rotting grave shall ne'er get out.

He who respects the infant's faith
Triumphs over hell and death.
The child's toys and the old man's reasons
Are the fruits of the two seasons.

The questioner, who sits so sly,
Shall never know how to reply.
He who replies to words of doubt
Doth put the light of knowledge out.

The strongest poison ever known
Came from Caesar's laurel crown.
Nought can deform the human race
Like to the armour's iron brace.

When gold and gems adorn the plow,
To peaceful arts shall envy bow.
A riddle, or the cricket's cry,
Is to doubt a fit reply.

The emmet's inch and eagle's mile
Make lame philosophy to smile.
He who doubts from what he sees
Will ne'er believe, do what you please.

If the sun and moon should doubt,
They'd immediately go out.
To be in a passion you good may do,
But no good if a passion is in you.

The whore and gambler, by the state
Licensed, build that nation's fate.
The harlot's cry from street to street
Shall weave old England's winding-sheet.

The winner's shout, the loser's curse,
Dance before dead England's hearse.

Every night and every morn
Some to misery are born,
Every morn and every night
Some are born to sweet delight.

Some are born to sweet delight,
Some are born to endless night.

We are led to believe a lie
When we see not thro' the eye,
Which was born in a night to perish in a night,
When the soul slept in beams of light.

God appears, and God is light,
To those poor souls who dwell in night;
But does a human form display
To those who dwell in realms of day.

It's been 7 years since my dad's been working outside the country..I see him once or maybe twice a year.
I'm not really sad, I already have a broken relationship with him..
But..I still can't find out why..why is he doing this to me? don't tell me it's his character, because people change for other people, especially when they're their dads.
I've never seen him put his arms around my shoulder, barely felt his affection...why?
I know he doesn't hate us, he's one of those workaholics who failed in their social life.

19 years of my life, and I have never seen my dad hug one of us, unless he's traveling he shows some of his impossible affection..
Today I was reading a book about someone who has lost her mum who was her best friend, and talked about her dad in such a beautiful way. I cried tears out for knowing someone so lucky..I wish I could be in her shoes, even though she lost her mum..both were her best friends.
I miss dad, I've never had a chance to talk the inside out with him, he barely knows my personality, never knew what I need, what I want or what makes me happy/sad.

I sometimes ask god to forever not bring him home (No I don't hate him), it's just so hard to deal with him now, I have grown up, I have my own perspectives and he will never ever appreciate or understand that..my life to him is just a dog he's humiliating with a rope.
I know some people would read this and say I'm exaggerating, but truth is you gotta live the life I do to understand this.

Today and yesterday haven't been so well with me, some friends upsetting me, some family issues.
Now can I ask for one hug? just one affectionate, sentimental hug before I die ..?

Today
the stench of memories lingers
while I
carry you on the palm of my hand
-like a vivid dream-
urging to smash you to pieces

You were
just a dream
today you are
a sickening reality
that creeps through the mind
and murders the heart
enjoyably..

Last night
I thought I took revenge.
however
I confused dreams
with reality

You are still there
Maybe I can't see you-
you watch me with zest

I shall imitate today and say
If looks could kill
I would've made you bleed
till death is my victory
and you'll vanish on the ground
So, tomorrow
I can walk with pride.

** Having an addiction you cannot get rid of, dreams keep haunting you at night each time you think you got over it.
This is the way it's gotta be..harder than imagined.

Ever had a favorite word? ever thought about the ability to resemble a word, ever thought what word would you be?
I guess I'd be the word "Hesitation". It's not my favorite word, it's the word that would resemble me the most.If you swam through my mind you'd be amazed; I think zillions of times before I say the thing, and yet I never say it right..if only there were a remote control for time, I'd use it each time I talk to someone I really love, and then deactivate it back when I have the right words to say..Well, what can you say, life's not perfect.
Oh speaking of which, I've always wondered about why people wish for perfection, perfection to me is an imperfection, a defect. It's always always annoying to deal with someone, that you find perfect, because you're always unable to achieve what they give/do..when in fact truth lies beneath words you cannot comprehend..honestly, only naive and simple-minded people wish for such a thing..

About mood swings: most of us are moody, I don't think it's a unique quality that would define your character..and NO I do NOT mean teenagers, on the contrary, adults can be waaaaay too moody comparing to us..adolescence is just a cover up to us.

Whine ups : I've been facing this for some time now; First of all, I don't hate talkative people as much as I hate whiners, they totally suck the enthusiasm to life out of me. Don't get me wrong, I love listening to people and I know I sometimes can be a bad listener and adviser, I just despise those who think they got it all messed up and life's such a crappy shit of an experience.Well, tell you what, you're missing so much of the good things in life.
I'll post some quotes for those people, but before that I would like to send a message to all of us-including me- about how we whine up about the transportation and the terrible traffic of Cairo.
here's the thing: you know that if a needle pricks you, you immediately earn "hasana"(deed)? how about when you get stuck in the traffic for "hours", get hit by someone, have an annoying chat with someone you cannot get rid of, have a bad day spent in traffic..they say Egyptian time is wasted in vain, I say it's wasted in hasanat (only if you treat the people who need help badly), can you count the amount of hasant that you gain during what you call "a horrible day"? :)
Hear and read those quotes then :

"Challenges can be stepping stones or stumbling blocks. It's just a matter of how you view them."
-- Author Unknown

"If you have grown, if you have contributed, if you have loved, if you have been loved -- then you have lived."
-- M. Burkill

"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be."
-- Douglas Adams


I have this I-try-so-hard plan, it's about changing my theories and perspectives about life, it's like every bad thing, has a bad side and a good side, just because it's "bad" doesn't mean we should dwell in the thoughts of misery, and just because it's good doesn't mean that life is perfect, learn to disappoint yourself with some, and rejoice yourself with some :)

I'm out of ideas and words to write..but I thought I'd write some of my favorite words and explain why I like them.
Most of them are with S :

-Salvation: Can't you the relief in your heart? this word makes me feel deeply free.
-Serenity: Oh how much I loooooove this word, reminds me of nature, which gives me the internal serenity and...it just makes me feel great
-Secluded: Helps me when I feel like I want people to just abandon me and leave all the seclusion to me..and I love it's pronunciation [Yeah I'm an English freak xD]
-Catharsis:Reminds me of poetry..it's somehow a poetic word..so yeah I love it !
-Seduction: Well yeah that's a kinda filthy one lol..I guess I'm just in love with the S words.

Silly one..but my mood swings won't allow me write something good.
And bear with me and the pic. :D

"The missing line between love and hate is freedom" -Me
-You find it vague don't you? Well, it's as simple as this: You're standing in the midst of a situation, you don't know whether to love this person because he did this, or hate him because he did that..you're standing at the missing line, which is freedom..no one's ever gonna tell you why do you hate/love him/her, it's your choice and you're free to love or hate them. No I don't believe in the silly quote that says you cannot choose whom you love..Yes I believe that love chooses you, but I don't believe that loving someone isn't in your hands..Life's all about making choices.


" "Genius" is overrated, it's all about what you experience" -Me
-Isn't it? you don't believe that the famous people in earth had a very normal life, just like you, the experiences they have had might be the same as the ones you have had? Well, it's all about how they took full advantage of these experiences and chose to do something useful with the things they have learned.


" If you're brave enough to die, one shot might not kill you" -Me
-We're all cowards, so don't you think one shot of the pistol will do it all, you chose your own fatal ending, do it twice and be a brave for once in your lifetime before you kill yourself.

" And in the emptiness, there's a solution,just look within yourself for absolution" -Poets of the fall-Locking up the sun (Song)
-Doesn't this phrase say it all? needn't any explanations.

Love? what a cliche word you uttered
looking at you, you quiver like a coward
Thinking your evil will rule this time
While in fact vengeance today is mine..

I hold the cruelest thorns in my hands
Kissing you with poisonous lips,
Holding you tight in my arms
As you slowly bleed, I eclipse

Long time ago you said you fooled me
And I cried to you on my knees
This time you plead for another chance
Whilst you do worse than you ever can

You once haunted me in my dreams
Left me waking up engulfing my tears
This time, right now the fight will begin
But you will bleed till death states my win

This is actually real ..

I lost you..I lost the sunshine to my days, I lost the gentleness of the breeze that comes at summer nights to fill me with fresh feelings..
I lost the innocence of the yore, the laughter of before..I lost you..
Years passed me by, horizons died right before my weary eyes, yet you never came back. Tears went dry, smiles went fake..I lost the moment you used to take..
I yearn for a quick look in the eyes, I miss hellos before goodbyes..I miss you..
Mesmerized by the beauty of spring trees, yet I feel like a cold stone in a warm summer night, I feel like an exiled, neglected shell on the shore, stirred by the merciless waves of the ocean.

A feeling that was so sincere years ago, feels so hard to hold today..
I would drown all my cruel words in the Bermuda triangle, I would kill all my previous thoughts with the heaviest sword..just to feel your subtle words enter my dismal heart, to get me back to life..
I would sell everything I have just to pass the oceans, though I know they are not enough..
I would cry a thousand tears but my cheeks got tired..

You made me feel so old when in me lies a hopeful child, you killed each part of me and threw it 2 thousand miles.
I still miss you..am I allowed to say so? I still need you..life without you is easy to let go..

I lost someone..yet I don't know who he/she is..

I miss you because..

You light up my nights in the darkest hours
Sun shines above the clouds in rainy showers
Butterflies flutter in the pale autumn lonely days
Roses blossom in the field, blooming they sway

I miss you when..

Trees shrivel in a shiny spring time
Winds run away, poems no more rhyme
When love weeps after abandonment
And fake words seem like a false trend

I miss you when I hear the word friendship
And my heart fails to shut my lips..

The times we had, the moments we cherish
Will be waiting for your comeback, will never perish..

Dedicated to each and everyone of my friends..I terribly miss you all.. =(

I will not submit
to your stupid flaws
You're not even a man
I'm no angel of yours

You're not in love
Only playing the fool
Thinking of a sweet love
By playing the cruel

Stick a paper to the mirror
right after writing my name
You'll know that my reverse is
Never submitting to love's game..

Photo by me.
Actually You know my name is "Nema", and the reverse is "Amen", so I thought I am the reverse of Amen..thus I do not submit to anything, and of course not love ;)

Countless fights
Endless nights..
With the same combat
Black stars
moldy scars
This strangles that
a friend died
a foe survived
I stand and slump
Tears frozen
Words unspoken
For the fool and the dumb
The one remains
Is the dissenting lane
The friend of the foe
I quiver and strive
Wanting to survive
In the midst of this woe..
Never mind me ..

"When your ego meets my pride, Sun will perish on the other side" -Me

-I had this quote in my mind while I was trying to sleep yesterday..
It was meant to describe those whose ego is killing them, and those whose pride will never be defeated.Hence, the fight could go for years, and the discussion could never end. This thinks he knows everything, That thinks he cannot be defeated.
And so nature will be the victim.

"An eye for an eye ends up making the whole world blind" -Ghandi

-What I understand from this quote, from my own point of view; I have a vision about war in this, to me it's like when two presidents fight to win, and each one of them is refusing to succumb or submit to the other one, this way their innocent people will be the victims, and of course the world would never really care about them ..

"There was a time when we could understand each other's silence, now we cannot even understand the spoken words" -My dear amazing inspiration "STILLNESS SPEAKS"

-This statement really saddens me, though it is beautiful to imagine how we understood each other's silence, now even the ones we love, we could never understand their silence, and of course nor their very spoken words..It's one of the reasons why the world is falling apart.

"You can't have a better tomorrow if you are thinking about yesterday all the time." -Charles F. Kettering

- This one explains how we always dwell in the past and forget our future, one of the reasons why we think life is unfair, while it's us who make it fair or unfair.

"The great question is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with failure." -William Shakespeare

- It reminded me of this one "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me".
I believe Shakespeare here meant that failure is only a bliss, But to continue on knowing that your past is like this, is bravery. And life will fool you once, but you will get used to this and defeat it the next time =)

"All my life I used to wonder what I would become when I grew up. Then, about seven years ago, I realized that I was never going to grow up... that growing is an ever ongoing process." -M. Scott Peck

-This is part of my other blog when I said "you will never comprehend life perfectly", and a friend actually inspired me when I discussed it with him yesterday and he told me "There would be no point of living if you understood life in the perfect way".

This is a circle of learning and teaching..we'll never have enough until we die.

Thank you deviantart :)

Sometimes my skies cry
there's no earth to wipe those tears
Other times my stars shine
and the moon is hiding in fear
In the late night..
when owls moan in silence
and the trees wither with the sound
I learned that the sun will shine bright
the next day I open the curtains

I've learned that a child's smile
could mean a thousand thing
And an old man's stillness
Might cause ships to sink

My teachers taught me;
Life is more than just a smile
Barren laughs could mean
Faces that've been walking for miles

I was once told
that those chains of gold
Could always deceive..
and leave you in the mold

But one thing I know for sure
and learned to work it out
you are the unknown cure
to every pain screamed out loud.

Shit, I hate this :S

Sometimes I leave my world
to drown in oceans of reveries
I dream out loud..
Of being a little kid
chasing butterflies in the yard
Right before me-
There is a field of dazzling roses
it doesn't matter when I'm alone
for when beauty truly captures you,
There's no escape from it all..

Sometimes I dream..
of pink cotton candies
watching my dad buys me a dozen
even if I'm alone,
with no friends at all..
I tend to smile in the depth
For nothing in me is broken.

Other times I see me fly
in a big, big cloudy sky
running after bluebirds
and the moonlight guides me
protecting my own world

Always have I dreamed
of playing hide and seek
with a bunch of pretty friends
and colored, delicious sweets.

Never have I broken
Someone's heart ..
though cruelty always knew it's way to me
and people's betrayals defeated me ..

I knew how to grow up smiling
and someday,
Someday..
Happiness will defeat them


This is not the childhood I had..Alas ..

A feather in the air
falling like a rain drop
wings that forgot how to fly
disappear in a vacuous spot

How could a dazzling view
ache the feelings inside
wings that flew so high
fall to the ground and die

Raise those feathers in the sky
Recreate a broken wing
This time fix the dead parts
with what hope will bring

Take those wings and fly
they're are not broken anymore
Raise your voice, let the world know
Hope is what we'll be looking for..

Inspired by this pic :)

Have I told you about the real me?
the one whose inside is filled with glee?
I sometimes love the pain that makes me feel numb
and how I watch myself slowly drift away and succumb
I like to imagine that life will never be perfect
But I also like to imagine that I'm loving it's imperfections
I sometimes drown in an ocean of my own vicious land
Then wonder about how I get up and easily stand
They blame it on teenage days, I blame it on the inner me
the one that constantly loves creating non-existent misery
I think about the future, not the present nor the past
though I usually let my memories long last
I've never seen flowers die, nor trees that wither
I've only seen a single bird's falling feather
I've never tasted hate, nor love that hurts more than heals
Only lived a beautiful life and neglected how it feels
What's with the rejection? and the vacant poor hearts?
What's with the pain we complain about that ends before it starts?
I wish upon a star tonight, for everyone to feel carefree
For there's more to life than the agony you and me plead..

Well..I said in the previous post that I should stop whining up to people..does that prevent me from whining up to myself in my own blog?? guess not..
Today, we're just in the middle of the day 3:24 pm here..but it's like the end for me..
I went to this stupid thing I don't want to remember it's name, to get my ID..they are literally bastards..I have been trying to do this for more than two or three weeks, wanna know the reasons why they kept postponing it?? No, you better not..
I was supposed to finish everything today and go for a photographer to have some pics to finally renew my passport..and I had it planned and everything.
Don't they usually screw things up?? yeah they do.
they postponed it till next Tuesday, I swear my dad is on the verge of killing me.
So anyway I'm really weak at these parts, my eyes started to water up, but I decided I'd just call a friend and laugh a little..making a joke out of it all.
I went to pay the internet bill before that..and meanwhile I went to some shops..since I need to buy one of my friends a gift.
Of course I didn't buy it because I payed money doing the damn ID thingies and paying the internet bill and my pocket was filled with emptiness.

But anywaaayyy..I was trying to do things that would make me feel good to get over the dark side in me..though I'm pretty sure I got over a big part of it.
I'm glad I have my friends..so very glad I have a family.
I'm just glad I'm alive
P.S Oh and don't get this the wrong way, Egypt is my passion..I just hate the way employees deal with normal people sometimes without bribes.Pffttt..

"I could bravely die to live
and never cowardly live to die"
Inspired from: Meditations In Rhyme by Nefisa El Seba'ai

I haven't got any poetic thoughts, since I've been kind of sick recently..I haven't been sleeping and I just wish to take some sleeping pills to get me back to life after I take the rest I need.
So instead of disappearing I will post the 8 things I wish I could do and another 8 things I did yesterday.

8 Things I wish I could Do~
1- Get my damned life back, though it is damned I still love it..ironic isn't it?
2- Publish my own poetry collection, and I would still call the book "Torn Pages Of a Poet"
3- Take care of my family more and show more affection.
4- Move on to the 4th course of studying, and Urghh it's going to be my last year in college!
5- Travel to see my old friends in the United Arab Emirates.
6- Read all poems by Shakespeare and learn to write Sonnets.
7- Be more optimistic, though I'm not that pessimistic, I still need to learn that life is good.
8- Stop whining up, for I sometimes whine just too much.

8 Things I did yesterday~
1- Talked to a good friend on the phone
2- Commented on some of my favorite authors' poems on Poems&Quotes.
3- Slept more than the previous day, which made me a little bit happy though I had a horrible headache all day long.
4- Published my double Balassi poem "Torn Pages Of a Poet" on P&Q (No I didn't post it here, but if you want to read it you'll find it on my P&Q account, link is on the upper right sites of my blog)
5- Had a good chat with my sisters :)
6- Studied a little bit of the Spanish novel I have, which made me laugh because it's a good satiric novel!
7- Prayed, the thing that gives me the internal relief.
8- Made a friend smile :)

Thank you Stillness Speaks for the tag =)
Please anyone feel free to do this on your blog, there are also the 8 things I'm looking forward to, and the 8 things I watch on t.v. But I'm not much of a talker lately so I didn't post them all.

False words lapse from my tongue
Just like the taste of a suicide song
Sheer thoughts become heavy on my note
Winds of anger removed what I wrote..
Even my heart is screaming for acceptance
To the cold reality of an inevitable existence
Skin is getting old, tired of all the rejection
quivering dreams dying for absurd perfections

Tarnished papers sought something new
Like a plant clinging to a morn's dew
Or like the waves that dissipate the shells
A thousand stories you can tell..

Isn't it a shame what we've become?
Always losing what we've always won?
Pluck the misery from my words,
I'm no poet of deception
Please forgive my black papers
They're false poetic misconceptions..

Betwixt reality and delusion
lie faces in black and white,
a portrait of the old times
Where the souls stand still;
Carefree.

It happened once-
When time was anonymous
And the memories we held
in frames
were innumerable
............................................
Today you put me in a frame
surrounded by crippled borders,
though colors shine like
a rainbow after winter rain,
You made smiles shrivel
in a hoax of dun reminiscences,
Done by the snap of your
narrow mind
.............................................
Draw me diaphanous,
next time you try to
comprehend me
Draw me disrupted-
I don't care

But please..
Don't draw me falsified;
For it's easier to have never known me
than to know me for years
Without picturing who
I really am.


Written Thursday, 2nd of April, 10:24 P.M
Yes this is a poem, finally, lol. Written for a poetry contest about song titles
[Who Needs Pictures is a song for Brad Paisley]

My words drown in oceans
succumb to your cold emotions
winds blow carefree sensations.
I watch my words melt slow
from papers used long time ago
Then you are my lockup, not salvation
please tell the heart again
To not trust golden chains
nor little infatuations..

I'm left before the shore
to fight a gruesome word war
Refusing to lose my pride
You watch me from afar
Your eyes cause dreadful scars
throwing the bottle aside
my words fall to the sea
No longer I am free
as you watch my heart divides..

10:33 PM. 14th of April.09

This was a practice for a Double Balassi poem..for more info google the poetry form "Balassi"

My presence is your sickness
As you walk out the door
You confound me
With your diabolic
acts,
And talks,
-I howl like a psycho-
I cry obtusely
I'm the misdeed
that lies at the end
of an alley
in a dirty puddle.
I'm the pang
In the soldier's wound
But not the scream
that demonstrates
cowardliness..

I thought we
were two
-invincible power-
Combined together
Beneath the wings of
Love

Then again I watch
the hue
Fading in the gardens
I was mistaken..
With the delusions they
filled me of

I see children
Playing in the playground
Their smiles make me cry
As if my tears are their shelter..
As if their smiles are war inside of me
And gardens are heaven's miracles

I hold the tears in my eyes-
I embrace you, but I can't,
I smile for the kids but they won't
My salvation has become my exile
My garden is just another dream that lies..
And then I'm the invisible..
NOT the invincible.


Written today 12th of March, 1:15 P.M (YES in college hehe)

Written for a challenge in my poetry club =)
It's supposed to be describing (me) the old woman sitting in the garden, with her imagination or what she sees

You..
are the savior
to my thoughts
Yet, you-
like a dying butterfly-
Lie down on the floor,
Unable to save yourself..

You twit me..
For not holding on..
To a life worth fading,
Yet you die on

We are two different reasons
You die because you were never loved
I die because I never could..
And we have the
same ending


I was just trying to write some free verse..I don't know if this went well or not.
Anyway it still isn't a poem.

It's when the stars stop shining
And the fake twinkle's poisonous
It's when tears stop falling..
and your heart is no longer tenacious

it's when colors are no longer colored
And paintings no longer give you the relief
It's when purple dies and red is the slayer
Your colored life will be the saddening grief

It's when the sea loses it's fishes,
And it's blue color turns to gray
It's when poets lose inspiration
and words they can no more portray

Here I cry in silence..missing the parts of me
There you live a life..that's what you need
My questions remain unanswered, open wounds leave a scar
Yet you never tried to reach me, and I'm lost in finding where you are..

Where were you-
When the sun stopped shinning,
And the moon faded to black?

Where were you-
when the ships stopped sailing,
And the hearts lost their track?

Where were you-
When happiness lost it's way to us,
And love didn't know how to lead?

Please answer me..
Where were you-
When my life was fading away,
And a thousand times I had to plead?

You resided in me..
yet you never existed
You died in me..
and it hurt like you possessed..

So tell me..
Where exactly were you??

Lately I've been seeing people so down and in a very depressing state..they've been hallucinating with some stupid quotes that don't make any sense.

-"Why do all bad things happen to good people?"
*Mistake: People think that just because someone is great, all good things ought to happen to this person
*Correction: God often tests those whom he loves the most..to see how strong they are and whether they'll be holding up or giving up.

-"Why do all good things come to and end?"
*Mistake: People consider the beginning of something is the end, like being in a relationship and ending it with broken hearts.
*Correction: The best things in life are free..they are always there, they were born with no mother, we're just too blind to see the good things in every little tiny thing.

-"Why is this happening to me?"
*Mistake: I'm the only one who's been into this.
*Correction: NO..we all have been through these situations honey, everyone takes his share in this life.

-"Love's always not been on my side"
*Mistake: I'm always alone, no one ever loved me.
*Correction: Plenty of girls/guys had a crush on you but you didn't notice, it just was never the right time to love.
There's a quote I gotta say here "There are times when we shall seek love, but there are also times when we shall let love come to us".
Just let love come to you and it will be perfect.

-And all this nagging about how life sucks and how we're living victims of our society..well, we ARE a part of this society, it's impossible to say that we're not by any mean causing any corruptions..None is perfect you know.

And at the end..Life will never treat you the way you want, Be smart and seize the happy moments, take your share of cries and tears..but never stop smiling =))

Silence keeps smudging the souls-
with it's tears that leave us incomplete
he was there yesterday and in the morrow,
Just not anymore today..


Rest In Peace my uncle ...

Dance like you mean it
Make circles in the ground
Smile like you feel it
Turn your world upside down

Jump to the lake
let fresh water in
The reflection you make
Is what you've been

A mirror reflection
Is nothing but a big lie
But the saddening rejection
Is the beauty that you deny

a BIG thank you to Stillness Speaks ..you were the reason why I wrote this cheerful thought, you truly are an inspiration to me :) please write on