I just need a hug, Dad..


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It's been 7 years since my dad's been working outside the country..I see him once or maybe twice a year.
I'm not really sad, I already have a broken relationship with him..
But..I still can't find out why..why is he doing this to me? don't tell me it's his character, because people change for other people, especially when they're their dads.
I've never seen him put his arms around my shoulder, barely felt his affection...why?
I know he doesn't hate us, he's one of those workaholics who failed in their social life.

19 years of my life, and I have never seen my dad hug one of us, unless he's traveling he shows some of his impossible affection..
Today I was reading a book about someone who has lost her mum who was her best friend, and talked about her dad in such a beautiful way. I cried tears out for knowing someone so lucky..I wish I could be in her shoes, even though she lost her mum..both were her best friends.
I miss dad, I've never had a chance to talk the inside out with him, he barely knows my personality, never knew what I need, what I want or what makes me happy/sad.

I sometimes ask god to forever not bring him home (No I don't hate him), it's just so hard to deal with him now, I have grown up, I have my own perspectives and he will never ever appreciate or understand that..my life to him is just a dog he's humiliating with a rope.
I know some people would read this and say I'm exaggerating, but truth is you gotta live the life I do to understand this.

Today and yesterday haven't been so well with me, some friends upsetting me, some family issues.
Now can I ask for one hug? just one affectionate, sentimental hug before I die ..?

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