Archive for June 2009

After Death [Sonnet]


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After Death
Christina Georgina Rossetti (1830-1894)

The curtains were half drawn, the floor was swept
And strewn with rushes, rosemary and may
Lay thick upon the bed on which I lay,
Where through the lattice ivy-shadows crept.
He leaned above me, thinking that I slept
And could not hear him; but I heard him say:
"Poor child, poor child:" and as he turned away
Came a deep silence, and I knew he wept.
He did not touch the shroud, or raise the fold
That hid my face, or take my hand in his,
Or ruffle the smooth pillows for my head:
He did not love me living; but once dead
He pitied me; and very sweet it is
To know he still is warm though I am cold.


This poem touched me..I'm so in love with it!

Auguries of Innocence


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I know this is really, really long..I couldn't help but read it all..Blake's one of my favorite poets..he is a remarkable incident in the history of poetry!
You don't have to read it all..but I'm sure your attention will be automatically drawn after reading the first stanza ;)
Anyway don't worry, I'm just posting it here because I'd love to read it over and over again every once in a while :)

William Blake - Auguries of Innocence

To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.

A robin redbreast in a cage
Puts all heaven in a rage.

A dove-house fill'd with doves and pigeons
Shudders hell thro' all its regions.
A dog starv'd at his master's gate
Predicts the ruin of the state.

A horse misused upon the road
Calls to heaven for human blood.
Each outcry of the hunted hare
A fibre from the brain does tear.

A skylark wounded in the wing,
A cherubim does cease to sing.
The game-cock clipt and arm'd for fight
Does the rising sun affright.

Every wolf's and lion's howl
Raises from hell a human soul.

The wild deer, wand'ring here and there,
Keeps the human soul from care.
The lamb misus'd breeds public strife,
And yet forgives the butcher's knife.

The bat that flits at close of eve
Has left the brain that won't believe.
The owl that calls upon the night
Speaks the unbeliever's fright.

He who shall hurt the little wren
Shall never be belov'd by men.
He who the ox to wrath has mov'd
Shall never be by woman lov'd.

The wanton boy that kills the fly
Shall feel the spider's enmity.
He who torments the chafer's sprite
Weaves a bower in endless night.

The caterpillar on the leaf
Repeats to thee thy mother's grief.
Kill not the moth nor butterfly,
For the last judgement draweth nigh.

He who shall train the horse to war
Shall never pass the polar bar.
The beggar's dog and widow's cat,
Feed them and thou wilt grow fat.

The gnat that sings his summer's song
Poison gets from slander's tongue.
The poison of the snake and newt
Is the sweat of envy's foot.

The poison of the honey bee
Is the artist's jealousy.

The prince's robes and beggar's rags
Are toadstools on the miser's bags.
A truth that's told with bad intent
Beats all the lies you can invent.

It is right it should be so;
Man was made for joy and woe;
And when this we rightly know,
Thro' the world we safely go.

Joy and woe are woven fine,
A clothing for the soul divine.
Under every grief and pine
Runs a joy with silken twine.

The babe is more than swaddling bands;
Every farmer understands.
Every tear from every eye
Becomes a babe in eternity;

This is caught by females bright,
And return'd to its own delight.
The bleat, the bark, bellow, and roar,
Are waves that beat on heaven's shore.

The babe that weeps the rod beneath
Writes revenge in realms of death.
The beggar's rags, fluttering in air,
Does to rags the heavens tear.

The soldier, arm'd with sword and gun,
Palsied strikes the summer's sun.
The poor man's farthing is worth more
Than all the gold on Afric's shore.

One mite wrung from the lab'rer's hands
Shall buy and sell the miser's lands;
Or, if protected from on high,
Does that whole nation sell and buy.

He who mocks the infant's faith
Shall be mock'd in age and death.
He who shall teach the child to doubt
The rotting grave shall ne'er get out.

He who respects the infant's faith
Triumphs over hell and death.
The child's toys and the old man's reasons
Are the fruits of the two seasons.

The questioner, who sits so sly,
Shall never know how to reply.
He who replies to words of doubt
Doth put the light of knowledge out.

The strongest poison ever known
Came from Caesar's laurel crown.
Nought can deform the human race
Like to the armour's iron brace.

When gold and gems adorn the plow,
To peaceful arts shall envy bow.
A riddle, or the cricket's cry,
Is to doubt a fit reply.

The emmet's inch and eagle's mile
Make lame philosophy to smile.
He who doubts from what he sees
Will ne'er believe, do what you please.

If the sun and moon should doubt,
They'd immediately go out.
To be in a passion you good may do,
But no good if a passion is in you.

The whore and gambler, by the state
Licensed, build that nation's fate.
The harlot's cry from street to street
Shall weave old England's winding-sheet.

The winner's shout, the loser's curse,
Dance before dead England's hearse.

Every night and every morn
Some to misery are born,
Every morn and every night
Some are born to sweet delight.

Some are born to sweet delight,
Some are born to endless night.

We are led to believe a lie
When we see not thro' the eye,
Which was born in a night to perish in a night,
When the soul slept in beams of light.

God appears, and God is light,
To those poor souls who dwell in night;
But does a human form display
To those who dwell in realms of day.

I just need a hug, Dad..


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It's been 7 years since my dad's been working outside the country..I see him once or maybe twice a year.
I'm not really sad, I already have a broken relationship with him..
But..I still can't find out why..why is he doing this to me? don't tell me it's his character, because people change for other people, especially when they're their dads.
I've never seen him put his arms around my shoulder, barely felt his affection...why?
I know he doesn't hate us, he's one of those workaholics who failed in their social life.

19 years of my life, and I have never seen my dad hug one of us, unless he's traveling he shows some of his impossible affection..
Today I was reading a book about someone who has lost her mum who was her best friend, and talked about her dad in such a beautiful way. I cried tears out for knowing someone so lucky..I wish I could be in her shoes, even though she lost her mum..both were her best friends.
I miss dad, I've never had a chance to talk the inside out with him, he barely knows my personality, never knew what I need, what I want or what makes me happy/sad.

I sometimes ask god to forever not bring him home (No I don't hate him), it's just so hard to deal with him now, I have grown up, I have my own perspectives and he will never ever appreciate or understand that..my life to him is just a dog he's humiliating with a rope.
I know some people would read this and say I'm exaggerating, but truth is you gotta live the life I do to understand this.

Today and yesterday haven't been so well with me, some friends upsetting me, some family issues.
Now can I ask for one hug? just one affectionate, sentimental hug before I die ..?

If Looks Could Kill


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Today
the stench of memories lingers
while I
carry you on the palm of my hand
-like a vivid dream-
urging to smash you to pieces

You were
just a dream
today you are
a sickening reality
that creeps through the mind
and murders the heart
enjoyably..

Last night
I thought I took revenge.
however
I confused dreams
with reality

You are still there
Maybe I can't see you-
you watch me with zest

I shall imitate today and say
If looks could kill
I would've made you bleed
till death is my victory
and you'll vanish on the ground
So, tomorrow
I can walk with pride.

** Having an addiction you cannot get rid of, dreams keep haunting you at night each time you think you got over it.
This is the way it's gotta be..harder than imagined.

Some Tattles #1


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Ever had a favorite word? ever thought about the ability to resemble a word, ever thought what word would you be?
I guess I'd be the word "Hesitation". It's not my favorite word, it's the word that would resemble me the most.If you swam through my mind you'd be amazed; I think zillions of times before I say the thing, and yet I never say it right..if only there were a remote control for time, I'd use it each time I talk to someone I really love, and then deactivate it back when I have the right words to say..Well, what can you say, life's not perfect.
Oh speaking of which, I've always wondered about why people wish for perfection, perfection to me is an imperfection, a defect. It's always always annoying to deal with someone, that you find perfect, because you're always unable to achieve what they give/do..when in fact truth lies beneath words you cannot comprehend..honestly, only naive and simple-minded people wish for such a thing..

About mood swings: most of us are moody, I don't think it's a unique quality that would define your character..and NO I do NOT mean teenagers, on the contrary, adults can be waaaaay too moody comparing to us..adolescence is just a cover up to us.

Whine ups : I've been facing this for some time now; First of all, I don't hate talkative people as much as I hate whiners, they totally suck the enthusiasm to life out of me. Don't get me wrong, I love listening to people and I know I sometimes can be a bad listener and adviser, I just despise those who think they got it all messed up and life's such a crappy shit of an experience.Well, tell you what, you're missing so much of the good things in life.
I'll post some quotes for those people, but before that I would like to send a message to all of us-including me- about how we whine up about the transportation and the terrible traffic of Cairo.
here's the thing: you know that if a needle pricks you, you immediately earn "hasana"(deed)? how about when you get stuck in the traffic for "hours", get hit by someone, have an annoying chat with someone you cannot get rid of, have a bad day spent in traffic..they say Egyptian time is wasted in vain, I say it's wasted in hasanat (only if you treat the people who need help badly), can you count the amount of hasant that you gain during what you call "a horrible day"? :)
Hear and read those quotes then :

"Challenges can be stepping stones or stumbling blocks. It's just a matter of how you view them."
-- Author Unknown

"If you have grown, if you have contributed, if you have loved, if you have been loved -- then you have lived."
-- M. Burkill

"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be."
-- Douglas Adams


I have this I-try-so-hard plan, it's about changing my theories and perspectives about life, it's like every bad thing, has a bad side and a good side, just because it's "bad" doesn't mean we should dwell in the thoughts of misery, and just because it's good doesn't mean that life is perfect, learn to disappoint yourself with some, and rejoice yourself with some :)

The S words


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I'm out of ideas and words to write..but I thought I'd write some of my favorite words and explain why I like them.
Most of them are with S :

-Salvation: Can't you the relief in your heart? this word makes me feel deeply free.
-Serenity: Oh how much I loooooove this word, reminds me of nature, which gives me the internal serenity and...it just makes me feel great
-Secluded: Helps me when I feel like I want people to just abandon me and leave all the seclusion to me..and I love it's pronunciation [Yeah I'm an English freak xD]
-Catharsis:Reminds me of poetry..it's somehow a poetic word..so yeah I love it !
-Seduction: Well yeah that's a kinda filthy one lol..I guess I'm just in love with the S words.

Silly one..but my mood swings won't allow me write something good.
And bear with me and the pic. :D

Living Quotes pt #2


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"The missing line between love and hate is freedom" -Me
-You find it vague don't you? Well, it's as simple as this: You're standing in the midst of a situation, you don't know whether to love this person because he did this, or hate him because he did that..you're standing at the missing line, which is freedom..no one's ever gonna tell you why do you hate/love him/her, it's your choice and you're free to love or hate them.
No I don't believe in the silly quote that says you cannot choose whom you love..Yes I believe that love chooses you, but I don't believe that loving someone isn't in your hands..Life's all about making choices.


" "Genius" is overrated, it's all about what you experience" -Me
-Isn't it? you don't believe that the famous people in earth had a very normal life, just like you, the experiences they have had might be the same as the ones you have had? Well, it's all about how they took full advantage of these experiences and chose to do something useful with the things they have learned.


" If you're brave enough to die, one shot might not kill you"
-Me
-We're all cowards, so don't you think one shot of the pistol will do it all, you chose your own fatal ending, do it twice and be a brave for once in your lifetime before you kill yourself.


" And in the emptiness, there's a solution,just look within yourself for absolution" -Poets of the fall-Locking up the sun (Song)
-Doesn't this phrase say it all? needn't any explanations.