What are new years?? New year's eve..what's this??
we've come to this part when we're hopeless, not knowing what exhilarates us or what saddens us..it's such a shame..such a desperate action.
12:00 AM we hang out with our friends, french-kissing our boyfriends..and oh wow we expect a HAPPY year..how so?? of course it would be a year full of fractions.

Why do we only celebrate ONE new year..and we never celebrate the hijrian new year?? is this some sort of a new-fashioned disease??
If so, I admit it's so well-disguised and everyone it pleased.
I don't believe in new years..they're such ridiculous beginnings, you're fooling yourself, please wake up
I believe that we're free to start all over whenever we want, start from today and don't rely on new years..because simply they suck.



Yeah Please stop this ridiculousness .. !!

I despise the light, darkness is my guide..I continually repel people, because I'm relieved when no one's by my side.
I hate the darkness and it's sore..whilst I cry for a scanty amount of light each moment more
My intimate makes me sick, she constantly censures me for her mistakes..we've made plenty of sins, while there's still a long road we've gotta take.

we're still in the beginning..

We spend such marvelous times together, she makes me smile from deep within me..I can't stand the idea of our farewell, She's the friend that fills my life with glee.

Nevertheless we're reaching the end..

Faked is love..such an overrated sensation, a snide ecstasy that no longer fits temptation.
I can't define whether I'm in love or it's just a feeling of delight..ridiculous thoughts stick to my mind when I lay awake in bed at night.
The words I carry inside seem to be like an endless conflict, along with spitting them out is something I always reject.

People will never comprehend what I say

I'm cursed, I'm defected, I wanna scream out loud, I've had enough..I wanna screw everything in my life that I was never proud of

Maybe the pain will go away

I stand puzzled, not knowing what to say..words would be so overrated and absurd..the sound of the wind itself abducts me far away from the place I call home..I cannot withstand it, because simply I'm a fear prone.
I fear withstanding because I might endlessly fall, who knows I could keep fighting until, abruptly, I'd hear death's call..
Winter sends cold chills to my body, I stand and sometimes sway..I keep praying to god, just take me away..I've felt this feeling before and I remember how easy it was to collapse, I hate being so lonesome, so hollow and alone.
There ain't any tears I want to shed..it doesn't sound like I'm that strong, though..every time I try to plant something, they either die inside already, or never sow.
I'm not a fighter, maybe I just don't fit on, especially, in this year, how come I'm still breathing and my face is blackened by sorrowed tears?
I don't believe in second chances, no one is ever worthwhile, I stopped believing in: "the little things that make you smile".
I'm wordless, I don't really know how to utter or spell the words I want to let out..Sometimes I'm really sick of the pain I cannot live without..
It saddens me the world I more everyday detest..it makes me shattered, sorrowed and constantly thought-less ..

They always used to tell me the grass is always greener on the other side..I didn't know whether it was true or just a lie of our childhood memories.
I kept looking for reasons why they told me so..and I got some answers for myself..
Sometimes everything seems so yellow, dull and wan..and there's this laziness all over the world.
Valentine days are always full of red roses, gifts and I love yous..and lonely people find them such silly words.
War days are full of grief, loss and tears..the world is always blackened in the eyes of these poor people..those whom no one thinks about.
and we, sometimes, having wars with our subconscious minds..when everything we see is only black..we start letting everything out.
That's when we feel blue..neglecting all the good in things..all the beauty of every hue

I do believe now that the grass is always greener on the other side, because no matter how sorrowful our lives turn to be..at least we have colors in our lives.
Blind people don't know what violet means..how beautiful is the sky when it's clearly blue..how outstanding are the lily, Amaryllis, Baby's breath, carnation and all the beautiful amazingly colored roses.
Thats the way you gotta love life..regardless all the pain and agony..life is still colorful, and will always be =)

I walk down the streets, wearing my mauve scarf..raindrops fall on me like drops of gentle dew..Happy I am, sensing the cold breeze getting within my skin and my bones, such refreshing feeling that makes me want to jump all over the place.
Although I walk alone..with no companion nor a fellow, and though sometimes it makes me feel so lonesome and hollow..my thoughts I consider them my best friend..we walk and together talk without boring each one another, silence is our best talk ever.
I thought today will be a heart-wrenching cloudy day, in spite of all the agony, I know everything bad will go astray..People will be purified from every deadly sin, everything will turn out the same it's always been.
I'm that person who walks along the streets praying for everyone to find the one they admire..and may those be every source to inspire.
Life might be unfair but that's the way it's gotta go, and after a long rainy day there must be sunshine over your window.

Smile like you mean it =)

Today I open up my eyes, everything seems so untrue..the skies are turning gray, after being so blue.
a cloudless day it is, but the sun's ray doesn't reach my windows, so I hold my favorite mug and take my caffeine dose.
they never told me winter will be that cold, even the trees don't light green like before..and flowers, oh why aren't they so colored and shiny? what happened to my violet and lily?
all is dying right before my eyes, and I just can't take these tepid goodbyes..
I'm hating the color yellow, it's been all over the place, everything is turning pale with nothing I can replace...
this deformed beauty shall tomorrow fade, and my shiny spring days, I want them back..tomorrow my dreams will be colored like a rainbow , instead of one color, black.

Hide-Red

What if I said I need someone whom I shouldn't need..I miss someone whom I shouldn't miss..and I love someone whom I shouldn't love..
Down the light of the moon..I wish for the stars to never pull us apart, every lightening star is a single little hope for me that he'll ask me to stay with him for eternity.
I've been telling myself for a while that Love is only for fools, why is it that I'm falling again? I'm not that weak anymore, then..Why??
Down the rays of the sun, by the scent of spring flowers, I let out a gentle breath and inhale "I need you"..
Who are you in specific, strange man..and why am I burdened with more than I can?
I guess I'm bound to you for a lifetime..I'm in love with you and I can't call you mine..

For you, just you
I'm caught in place
But I ignore what I can't erase

I Can't Stay Away- The Veronicas

I kinda thought of posting a song at the beginning of every post I write so that anyone who reads my blog would know me by the songs I'm listening to..
But anyway this song is really cool and I'm sure you're going to enjoy it =)
The thing you don't know about me is that I'm a young poetess, or oh, at least thats what I think I am..
I've not written anything for more than a month because I decided to give myself a break until I finish the book I'm reading [ just in case you're interested in poetry, the book is called "Poetry the basics, for Jeffrey Wainwright" not sure of the spelling of the author's name ], I hope it's going to help me later when I decide to continue writing poetry insha'allah, since I wanna write my own book [ Okay don't laugh, I only have a dream ].
I've been writing poetry ever since I was 14..it's been 5 years [ almost ] and I don't feel like I'm that "hell of a poetess"..but I'm counting on my age, I'm still young and I still have so much yet to face and discover !
These titles I have for such a long time and I've never used them..if some of them inspired you steal them and write =], I'd be happy to help, anyway I don't think I'm gonna use them

what it is like
a path to memory
Portrait
Halo of cold
What never happened
The Moon goes full again
Wounds
Vicious minds..tepid hearts
A written dream ..
Dreams written on paper
Midnight battles

Deformed beauty

I'm having another flu and this one seems to really destroy me =( I've been coughing and unable to take my breaths..but I think I'm coping..
I haven't really got other words to say..sooo, laterzz !

I'm conflicted
I inhale now I'm addicted
to this place
to you babe
I can't stay away
can't stay away

World away-Emery
it's the song I'm listening to right now..it's one of the good songs I heard for this band, and it always matches my mood !
So here we go..I went out with my sister today to see the doctor for my heart pain, but it turned out that the doctor doesn't show up on Saturdays..Damn doctors, I've always hated them..or well, who doesn't??
this makes me feel kinda crappy because I wanna get rid of this appointment asap.
Anyway..About my blog title [ Nee-din Isolation ], Nee is my current nickname, din is the word din, but I meant for both to make sense and together also will make the word Needing.
Isolation is because people suck and always have, I just need peace and for people not to comment on every freakin thing I do for a living !

No, I don't want to be the one who lives a lie
But never knew it was just a world away
From where I could feel like I've never felt before
So lock the door

Right now..I'm staring at my laptop talking to my E-folx...or thats how I call them xD
Life's been so much weird the last couple of days...sometimes so interesting and amazingly enjoyable, and sometimes it just sucks all the happiness out of you.
Anyway, I've been trying to put in mind that I really need to write my thoughts down here..I haven't published anything in this blog for ages and I keep deleting what I post =S it's so confusing I know, but all I can say is that I've been having some sort of transition phase..from a cheerful [ well, kinda, lol ] person to a very dark and mysterious one.

The best thing ever happened this year is that I found out how much I mean to my friends..and how precious they are to me..on my birthday..5th of December, which was a week from today.
So..here I am again..on my blog..writing the same old shit xDD haha